Many women Alana and I speak to daily are confronted not only with gaslighting, shaming and enabling from porn addicts themselves and their male cohorts, but women also jump in on the shaming bandwagon towards those brave women who choose to speak up and remain adamant they don't want porn in their relationships.
Below, a woman from r/loveafterporn shares her story about coming to the defense of another woman in a Facebook group who was being attacked by scores of other women for speaking out against her boyfriend using porn in their relationship (edited for spelling and grammar):
"A girl posted anonymously in a Facebook group I'm in asking for advice on how to talk about her boyfriend's porn use. She said, "He's been looking at it for months now," and she feels awkward bringing it up.
The sheer amount of girls saying 'it was too late' and 'she had no right' disgusted me. A lot of them were saying that's a boundary you have to establish before a relationship. I disagree. I said, 'You are allowed to establish boundaries after the fact if the circumstances within your relationship have changed/if your opinions have changed due to seeing the full extent within the relationship.'
To me, sounds like the classic scenario where she was unaware of the extent prior to the relationship. It makes me sad for her, and even sadder for the women saying she shouldn't bring it up. I replied to many of those comments with a gentle, "Hey! People are allowed to change their opinions and establish boundaries at any point," or "she can establish new boundaries and if he does not like them, he can always leave."
We as women are shouted down, told we are unsexy, ugly and fat, ridiculed that we are prudes and we are shamed for not being more like OnlyFans women (just saw a forever unmarried mid-30s "men's coach" with her breasts out on Instagram shaming women in this way) if we don't want porn in our relationships!
And if you want further proof of this nastiness from other women, Alana and I had an obese woman (you read that right, an actual fat woman telling women to lose weight 💩 you really can't make this up can you 🤦♀️) come to our stream the other night saying that if women weren't so fat and would put down the potato chips, their men wouldn't watch porn.
Unfortunately, I had to make an example of her at 1:05:00 below:
I really don't know who's worse, these crazed proto cat lady spinsters who DON'T have a man at late 30-something years old telling women to let men watch porn in their relationships, or the coomers themselves constantly up in arms over being exposed for their sneaky pervert tendencies.
As you'll see throughout the video that mocking and ridicule is THE method of choice in combating these pornsick lunatics. I know that seems extremely difficult and next to impossible to adopt in your mentality or even begin to employ among your social groups, but like Alana said, all you need is some "Jenny energy" and you can begin to be truly empowered in your convictions and know you are on the side of TRUTH.
In the medieval period, court jesters spoke truth to power. They mocked people and the prevailing societal mores of the time and told jokes. The court jester was the only man below the ruling class that could poke fun at the king without getting his head chopped off. And he would send a fevered chill through the unsuspecting masses who would now begin to morally question what's right and wrong.
I invite you to consider mockery in the face of these pathetic losers' shaming. If your friends are shaming you for not agreeing to porn use in the relationship, you can also do the following:
1) Remind them how much their relationship with their man stinks (if they even have one because they often DON'T) and it's no wonder they advocate for men using porn (because more often than not these women's relationships with men ARE disastrous and despicable).
2) Whatever you do, don't fall for their shaming and gaslighting. These people default to this constant lying and bullying because no one ever challenges them. Don't be afraid to be the woman who challenges "the norm" of pornsickness among today's men and women. They are wrong and they KNOW they are wrong. And what they are arguing for is indefensible.
We have tips all over this website to fight back against porn addiction as women. Thank you for subscribing and for your continued support and interest in ensuring our message reaches women around the world who have been victimized by porn addiction in men.
Love,
Jenny
If you have any questions or comments and/or you would like to share your story, please email us at:
hesanaddictadmin@protonmail.com
